


hello, my old heart (it's been so long since i've given you away)

by carrythesky



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Dreams, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Kala 'I will come into your dreams just to tell you how idiotic you're being' Dandekar, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 20:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11238795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrythesky/pseuds/carrythesky
Summary: Sleep has never been reliable or easy for him, the product of childhood nights spent lying awake straining to discern sounds of the house settling from his father’s footsteps. When he does dream, he never remembers.He’ll remember this.





	hello, my old heart (it's been so long since i've given you away)

**Author's Note:**

> In my head this takes place sometime after Wolfgang's meeting with Lila and before Wolfgang/Kala's final visit. I played fast and loose with the rules of the show, mostly because I don't fully understand them hahahaha ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Last but not least: a giant middle finger to Netflix, for RUINING MY LIFE.

Wolfgang dreams.

 

At least, he _thinks_ this is a dream. Sleep has never been reliable or easy for him, the product of childhood nights spent lying awake straining to discern sounds of the house settling from his father’s footsteps. When he does dream, he never remembers.

 

He’ll remember this.

 

She’s sitting at the edge of her pool, turned away from him slightly, and as she swipes a loose coil from her face he catches a glimpse of her left hand, her conspicuously bare ring finger.

 

So. Definitely a dream, then.

 

Uncertainty roots him where he stands. _I shouldn’t be here_ , he thinks, followed abruptly by _fucking say_ something, _you idiot_ -

 

“Stop thinking so loudly,” Kala says.

 

Wolfgang blinks, shakes the slack-jawed expression off his face. “You’re in my head, now?”

 

She scoffs, keeps her gaze fixed on the water and that’s how he knows something’s wrong. “You’re _dreaming_ ,” she says tightly. “We’re already in your head.”

 

He’s never heard her voice sound like this. She’s _pissed_ at him, and he knows why. With a sigh, he steps towards her. “Listen-”

 

“Don’t.” Her eyes find his, dark and furious. “There’s something I need to say to you and I won’t be able to if you come any closer, so just…” she presses her lips together, takes a measured breath. “Just don’t.”

 

He looks away. There’s a pressure mounting in his chest, a quiet anger rising to match hers even as the logical part of him attempts to quash it. She has every right to be upset - what he did was foolish as it was dangerous, he _knows_ this - but his whole life, Wolfgang has only ever known one way to respond to anger.

 

( _Fire with fire, boy. Fire with fire_.)

 

“Do you understand that your actions have implications?” Kala is saying softly, barely above a whisper but it’s enough to chase the ghost of his father’s voice back to the recesses of his mind. “Implications not just for you, but also those who care about you? Do you have _any idea_?”

 

 _Of course I do_. His hands are shaking, fingers twitching at his sides and he digs his nails into his palms hard to ground himself. _That’s why I tried to handle this myself._

 

The thought is mostly true. It’s why he’d been so careful not to think about his meeting with Lila in the hours leading up to it - she was his problem and he’d be damned if his cluster, his _family_ , ended up in her line of fire because of him.

 

(The other truth is that he works better alone. It’s as simple as that. He’s survived this long relying on himself and he can’t always say he appreciates the seven new voices in his head, pulling him this way and that, _influencing_ him-)

 

Wolfgang’s a lot of things but he’s not a coward, so he glances up, meets Kala’s sparking gaze head-on. “I told you before,” he says. “There are some things you will never understand about my world, how I choose to live in it.”

 

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” She pushes to her feet in one fluid motion, arms curling protectively around herself. “Right there, you acting like you’re the only person affected by your _very frequently_ poor decisions.”

 

His heart kicks against his ribcage. “What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry, that it’ll never happen again?”

 

“No,” she says. “I don’t want an apology. I want you to admit that you need this, you need _us_ as much as we need you.”

 

Each word is like a knife in his chest, twisting against all the soft and vulnerable places he’s kept buried for so long but he’s not surprised. She’s always known how to tear down his defenses, burrow straight to the most intimate parts of his soul. ( _You have something good and beautiful hidden inside of you_ -)

 

He shakes his head, swallows past the knot in his throat. “Stop-”

 

“I won’t,” she says firmly. “As long as you place a higher value on our lives than your own, as long as you believe the darkness inside you is stronger than the light, I won’t stop.”

 

She’s moving as she speaks, moving towards him and every single muscle in his body is screaming _wake up, wake up before you destroy the only thing you’ve ever cared about_ , but he stays where he is and then she’s standing in front of him, close enough for him to count the stars reflected in her eyes.

 

He’s been holding his breath without realizing it, and as she brings both hands up to frame his face he finally exhales, a shuddering sound that leaves his chest feeling hollow. Her fingertips trace a gentle path from his temples to his jaw, then back towards the nape of his neck, and he slowly dips his forehead to rest against hers.

 

“You’re a good man, Wolfgang,” she whispers. “I will never stop trying to convince you of that fact.”

 

He pulls her in, hands sliding through her hair and over the curve of her bare shoulders. Her face is a beautiful tangle of emotion, fear and anger and hope all blurring together behind her eyes and he knows none of it is real, knows it’s all in his head just like every other encounter he’s had with her but he doesn’t fucking _care_. She’s an illusion he’ll happily drown in, content to never again come up for air.

 

 _I love you_ , he aches to tell her, _I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything_ , but instead he kisses her, soft and slow and clutching her like she’s the thing keeping him tethered to the ground.

 

_Thank god for gravity._

 

The taste of her name is still in his mouth when he wakes.

**Author's Note:**

> [carry-the-sky](https://carry-the-sky.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you want to say hi! :)


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